“People may come, people may go
Just as long as the water’s slow
But watch out when you’re
Headed for the waterfall”
“Waterfall” – Wendy & Lisa

TRUTH. A very simple word. One of the few I can think of that is to me, both objective and subjective at the same time. Your truth, my truth, the REAL truth. All open to interpretation, but factual and provable at the same time.

I’ve run into some problems with the truth lately and I don’t quite understand why. It all seems so easy and straightforward to me, but apparently it’s not. The reality (or “truth“, if you will) is that my understanding and your understanding of the same facts might be different.

I like proof. Hard facts. Evidence. I’ve always had an innate ability to find things, to uncover the facts and to offer up evidence in support of the truth. Putting the pieces together is easy for me. But just like a puzzle, sometimes a piece is
R E A L L Y close, but not quite right. It’s so close, and so logical that we decide it MUST fit. But then someone else steps up and points out that the tiny little corner is too rounded off, and, there is a smidge of a gap and that no, no, no, no…it DOESN’T fit.

I argue that it does fit, it has to fit! Why? Because I WANT it to. Because maybe I NEED it to. Because the thought that maybe what I’ve been presented with is (gasp) a LIE, is just too much to handle.

Now we’re into a whole other realm…that of the LIE, and that’s where I think the real problem “lies”, if you will. Most people have heard the expression “the truth hurts”. Most people probably believe it. I don’t. It’s the lie that hurts.

The truth might be uncomfortable and it might not be what you want to hear, but it doesn’t have that “just kicked in the balls and punched in the stomach” feeling that the discovery of a lie does. And it does it again and again, every time you remember it. And that, my friends, brings us to the real heart of the matter – when lies cause such collateral damage, why do we even lie in the first place?

I think we lie ( and we ALL do, so don’t go there asshole) for a few reasons. There truly are pathological or compulsive liars. Excessive lying is often a factor in many personality disorders. This is something that the person affected often doesn’t see as wrong and even when caught in a lie, will deny it’s existence. This isn’t most of us. Most of us lie for other reasons, one of which is the belief that the truth will be too painful for the other party involved, and we lie to spare their feelings. What we are really doing is sparing ourselves. We don’t want the other person to have bad feelings toward us. We don’t really care how they feel, we just don’t want to feel bad about it. 

Sometimes we lie because we are embarrassed of the truth. It doesn’t reflect kindly on us or it’s uncharacteristic of our usual behavior. This is the “it never really happened” lie and it’s the kind that after a while, if it’s never found out, (or we think it’s never found out ;)) we start to believe and it becomes our truth. BOOM. No more lie.

The lie that is the hardest for me is the one that’s told because you don’t trust me with the truth. In your eyes, I don’t hold enough value. You don’t trust that I won’t use your truth against you. That I won’t turn and hurt you with the very thing that I hold in the highest regard – honesty. For me, this is the lie that hurts the most because its not about whatever they lied about in the first place. It’s about where they hold me in their heart, and when someone has decided I’m not deserving of the truth, then maybe it’s time to look at why.

“Hot fuse
Can be short or long
The time bomb
Of your life has come”